1BC Civ Forums / Off Topic Discussions / More Than a Game, Civ in Real Life / Politics & Religion / Comedy In P&R? / Latest Posts

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Tosk — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:32:35 GMT

A man, having applied to join the Las Cruces, New Mexico, police force, is being interviewed.

The Chief says, "Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test
that you must pass before I can recruit you."

Sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues, "Take this gun with 13 bullets, and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Obama delegates and a rabbit."

The man asks, "Why the rabbit?"

"Fantastic attitude!" says the Chief, "When can you start?

RE: Comedy In P&R?

RabiAkiva — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 02:41:37 GMT

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:03:21 GMT

[img]http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j209/Konrad_von_Richtmark/arafattoosexypeaceprocess.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:45:13 GMT

[img]http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j209/Konrad_von_Richtmark/islamiclurker.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Tosk — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:40:20 GMT

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's genitalia is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Most of you guys that are reading this are probably still busy looking at your thumbs.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Nuclearcow — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:40:37 GMT

I thought about putting this in the Youtube of the Day, but it is all about politics (and muppets).

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:34:25 GMT

LOL! Okay, so..., this is getting really weird!:w00t:

RE: Comedy In P&R?

jerm — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:07:02 GMT

Okay, I just had to post this. It's just one of those things that looks a little odd because it's a still image but it's real.

[img]http://www.religiousintelligence.co.uk/news/news_images/gall.mcobama.gi.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:10:14 GMT

That looks exceptionally realistic. Disturbingly so.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

jerm — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:35:32 GMT

I laughed out loud when I saw this:

[url=http://www.obamablog08.com/2008/04/23/obama-undergoes-change-after-defeat-in-pennsylvania/][img]http://www.obamablog08.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/hillary-obama.jpg[/img][/url]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

-M- — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:08:30 GMT

Now a lady would say: "I h8 that scanky ***" :P but ye she seems to have put on a few pounds and that done her good. She is exceptionally hot in that video.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:49:35 GMT

Wow. Hot, and smart. I think the contest is over. I'd much rather follow her then either of those two creepy male shmucks.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Rishbhav — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:19:12 GMT

Insulted by the shots at her taken in McCain's "One" ad, Paris Hilton strikes back :w00t: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ad536a6d

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Tosk — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 05:44:39 GMT

ok ... back to comedy. ;)

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers: One is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time 'working girl'. All things considered, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

RE: Comedy In P&R?

jerm — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:34:55 GMT

Is it just me or are we contaminating the "Comedy in P&R" thread with non-comedic posts?

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Rishbhav — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:07:24 GMT

True, if you look at merely the names of the parties. If on the other hand you look at the ideologies in play, namely conservative vs libreal the pattern holds true...

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:15:55 GMT

Heh, not often that a joke provokes calculating a binomial probability distribution :)

It wouldn't really be totally valid to include the West Coast territories. While they were technically "in the Union" they were pretty much irrelevant to the war, were not yet States (so they had no autonomy to decide for themselves whose side they were on) and had very low American pop density.

Excluding those this is our dataset

State	Success/Failure?
Texas	1
Oklahoma	1
Missouri	1
Arkansas	1
Louisiana	1
Kentucky	1
Tennessee	1
Mississippi	1
Alabama	1
Virginia	1
Maryland	0
Delaware	0
North Carolina	1
South Carolina	1
Georgia	1
Florida	1
Minnesota	1
Iowa	0
Wisconsin	1
Illinois	1
Michigan	1
Indiana	0
Ohio	0
Pennsylvania	1
New York	1
New Jersey	1
Vermont	1
New Hampshire	1
Massachusetts	1
Connecticutt	1
Rhode Island	1
Maine	1
Count	32
Sum of Successes	27
% Succesful Trials	0.84375

With "Success" meaning, either a Reb State going Republican in 2004 or did a Union State going Democrat in 2004. Failure being the opposite.

The probability of getting 27 successful trials in 32 total trials is way low ~0.0000469 so we can (even without including the West) conclude that there is a non-random patterning here . . . BUT! :w00t:

The patterning is totally REVERSED what we would have predicted in 1865!!

The Democratic party was the "Southern" party and almost without exception, Democrats were in favor of slavery, states rights, etc.!

The Republican party was formed out of the ashes of the Whig Party, and its birth was almost entirely a manifestation of an anti-slavery, pro-abolition agenda! People have said that it was the election of Abe Lincoln that provoked the southern states to secede, but we must not forget that Abe was the leader of the REPUBLICAN PARTY, a party whose highest ranking members included some of the most outspoken, radical abolitionists, anti-Democrat Party, and (frankly) anti-South politicians in American history.

Thus, we must conclude that this joke is totally in reverse. It is not funny so much as paradoxical. If there was an actual "correlation" we should have seen the Southern States favor Kerry (a member of the political party whose historic moments include backing the secession of the Slave States from the American Union) and the Northern States favor Booshmeister ;)

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 09:12:21 GMT

Is this coincidental, or is there causation behind the correlation?

[img]http://i36.tinypic.com/2udyfdv.jpg[/img]

[img]http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/d/_/map_2004electionresults.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:10:13 GMT

Watch the newest popular Iranian TV show:
[img]http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/a/a8/Ahmadinejad-jihad-my-ride.jpg/600px-Ahmadinejad-jihad-my-ride.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:50:07 GMT

George W Bush, the Dalai Lama and a schoolboy were, for irrelevant reasons, traveling in a private airplane. Suddenly a crash is heard, and the engine jams and shuts down.

[b]Pilot:[/b] Dear passengers, we are in a serious situation. We have suffered an engine failure, and are about to crash within five minutes. There are three parachutes, out of which I'm currently wearing one. Bye!
*pilot jumps out of plane*
[b]Bush:[/b] Well, I'm the US president, the most powerful and important man on earth. It is simply inconceivable that I should die today, so I'll take this parachute and jump!
*Bush jumps out of plane*
[b]Dalai Lama:[/b] My son, I have lived a long, fulfilling life and reached enlightenment, while you have a whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute and save yourself, I will die here today.
[b]Schoolboy:[/b] Nah, don't worry Sir, you can have a parachute too. Mr President jumped wearing my school backpack.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Tosk — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:34:07 GMT

A man named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks Bud, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing
facility in Hamburg, Germany, Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few Minutes, receives a response.
Finally he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to Bud and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves".

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government",
says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." Says Bud "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows ... this is a herd of sheep ... Now give me back my dog!"

RE: Comedy In P&R?

RabiAkiva — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 08:11:50 GMT

You conservatives have it easy....

(To be a Liberal - Roy Zimmerman)

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Locus Coeruleus — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:45:16 GMT

Here's another good Bush Remix. I cannot remember if I already posted this or not. ...

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT0XxtNPVdQ]Imagine Rx2008[/url]

Clever.

and this one is friggin' hillarious!!!

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXnO_FxmHes&feature=user]Sunday Bloody Sunday Rx2008[/url]

I am going to miss Bushy after all, silly monkey that he is!!!!!

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:15:23 GMT

I enjoyed the Hitler Rap more:hehe:

Mel Brooks.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:52:23 GMT

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekodkuw1hgE&feature=related]The future of Zionism.[/url]

You think you're good just because you can make the desert bloom? That's sooo 30s. Now, make space bloom and I might even be impressed!

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Nuclearcow — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 04:36:20 GMT

Scip, I loved the Bush editing video. lol. Funny stuff. Very clever.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:54:26 GMT

Well Scipio, one of my greatest fears now lives. The ability to manipulate George Bushes words. Not even he can do that!:hehe:

Tosk, LMAO, I really didn't see it coming! No more bull fries for me!

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:43:45 GMT

Trusting in the sanity and the restraint of the United States is not a strategy

[youtube]zgpLiBfwMqU[/youtube]

and it [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUKEerSQKYY&feature=related]is not an option[/url].

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Tosk — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:30:37 GMT

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles, from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.”

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:03:21 GMT

[img]http://207.199.174.56/img/iRBlTbZSAI_Leonid_Brezhnev2.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:59:07 GMT

[quote][b]Konrad von Richtmark (6/9/2008)[/b][hr]Osama's message to the post-Patriot Act US population:

[img]http://207.199.174.56/img/buTpmoHYyU_still-free.jpg[/img][/quote]

Maybe. But I'll bet if he is, he's a tad shell shocked. Not that he wasn't to begin with!

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:23:52 GMT

Osama's message to the post-Patriot Act US population:

[img]http://207.199.174.56/img/buTpmoHYyU_still-free.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:26:23 GMT

[img]http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii239/retrowoman_61/political-pictures-george-bush-exit.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 23:16:41 GMT

Orrrrrrr......., How to teach a cat to strap on a grenade. Oh the humanities!:w00t:

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 18:45:39 GMT

Whoa! The infamous cat-flower-grenade torture. Disgusting, truly disgusting.

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Konrad von Richtmark — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 18:09:18 GMT

NEWS FLASH: Nazis are evil, and this picture proves it:
[img]http://www.historiography-project.org/images/20070207kitten.jpg[/img]

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 01:03:52 GMT

The alternative to water would be.........never mind.:w00t:

Look guys I'm trying to get outt'a here to learn me some more CivIV, for preparation of the :Whistling: game here (so I don't come off as some doddering fool. Silence RK!). So if you would all kindly quit being so damned interesting tonight, I might get too it!!:D

RE: Comedy In P&R?

jerm — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:58:25 GMT

I plead with all muslims everywhere, "water is not the answer!"

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Black Owl — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:04:00 GMT

Oh the images! Laughing Out Loud!:hehe:

RE: Comedy In P&R?

Scipio Africanus — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:31:38 GMT

Its a desert. All they would do is irrigate it and turn it into a paradise full of abundant crops, leading to rampant growth in the Zionist settler population and an overwhelming increase in the production of matsa bread and kosher pickles.

As Nimoy tells us, he who liveth by the bucket, perish by the bucket.