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First Lieutenant
 
Last Seen:
9/17/2008 9:34 PM
Posts: 1,966
Visits: 4,411
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Udderly ridiculous
Last Seen:
Today @ 2:47 PM
Posts: 3,421
Visits: 4,115
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Impeached by a patch
Last Seen:
Today @ 5:12 PM
Posts: 1,826
Visits: 3,483
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First Lieutenant
Last Seen:
9/17/2008 9:34 PM
Posts: 1,966
Visits: 4,411
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Lock n' Load!
Last Seen:
Today @ 2:47 PM
Posts: 5,055
Visits: 26,683
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Conscript Rabbi
Last Seen:
Today @ 5:12 PM
Posts: 2,100
Visits: 8,040
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die with honor
Last Seen:
Today @ 4:30 AM
Posts: 4,595
Visits: 16,232
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| A man named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks Bud, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing
facility in Hamburg, Germany, Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few Minutes, receives a response.
Finally he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to Bud and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves".
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government",
says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." Says Bud "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows ... this is a herd of sheep ... Now give me back my dog!" |
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Mine honor is my life; both grow in one:
Take honor from me, and my life is done:
Da Bard ... But something tosk would say.
Americans used to roar like lions for liberty; now they bleat like sheep for security.
~ Norman Vincent Peale~
We don't have to live in the kind of America the two Major parties have in store for us.
Together, let us lay the foundations for an America worthy of our Founding Fathers.
~Ron Paul~
Edited: 7/4/2008 5:36 PM by Tosk |  |  |
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Impeached by a patch
Last Seen:
Today @ 5:12 PM
Posts: 1,826
Visits: 3,483
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| George W Bush, the Dalai Lama and a schoolboy were, for irrelevant reasons, traveling in a private airplane. Suddenly a crash is heard, and the engine jams and shuts down.
Pilot: Dear passengers, we are in a serious situation. We have suffered an engine failure, and are about to crash within five minutes. There are three parachutes, out of which I'm currently wearing one. Bye!
*pilot jumps out of plane*
Bush: Well, I'm the US president, the most powerful and important man on earth. It is simply inconceivable that I should die today, so I'll take this parachute and jump!
*Bush jumps out of plane*
Dalai Lama: My son, I have lived a long, fulfilling life and reached enlightenment, while you have a whole life ahead of you. You take the last parachute and save yourself, I will die here today.
Schoolboy: Nah, don't worry Sir, you can have a parachute too. Mr President jumped wearing my school backpack. |
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Impeached by a patch
Last Seen:
Today @ 5:12 PM
Posts: 1,826
Visits: 3,483
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