End-of-term National Address
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End-of-term National Address Expand / Collapse
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11/3/2007 9:00 PM


Impeached by a patch

Impeached by a patch

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There has been talk of dictators giving national addresses at the end of their term, and I intend to start this tradition.

As you may know, I have led Omega with an iron fist during the latest 25 turns. As I was in the midst of a war, my successor was not present, tones insisted on me continuing and nobody present objected, so I played an additional five turns.

Many things have happened during those 25 turns. For the first time we have mobilized for war, and drawn blood for the glory of Omega. Bladed melee technology has been taken from theory to concept to reality to battlefield application, and the streets of conquered Seoul runs red with our enemies' blood. Furthermore, we have founded two new cities: Junker Hill and Mushroom City. The former is placed to become a military-industrial powerhouse, the latter a gold producer and a great people farm. We have researched Mathematics on the way to Construction, and entered the classical age. Finally, Hinduism has spread into Junker Hill, and been adopted as our state religion.

Some statistics:

At the start of my term, our military consisted of two units, warriors both. At its end, it has been enlarged with 7 axemen, an increase of 350% in volume.

At the start of my term, we had two cities (Megaton and Napalm Springs). Through settlement and conquest we acquired Junker Hill, Mushroom City and Seoul, an increase of 150% in number of cities.

As for where-to now, our field army of five axemen have surrounded Pyongyang. Three archers defend it, so a direct assault would be very foolhardy. Yet, our axemen rule the fields, blocking all production squares outside the city, leaving the Koreans with only one hammer from under the city. They will stay in stasis practically unable to build anything until we conquer them. Construction is being researched to give us catapults to knock down the walls, it will also aid us in giving us colosseums to entertain our restless population.

So, gentlemen, I hand over the whip of power to whoever is bound to succeed me. It has been a good term, we are walking the road to world domination with firm goose-steps.
11/3/2007 9:57 PM


Wrong

Wrong

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It is good that the evil Koreans have returned our holy city. What a mistake to take it from us in the first place! (Perhaps we can squeeze in the, um, omegabet (shouldn't that be omegapsi or something?) and get some petty techs before the bronze boot stomps Korea back into complete oblivion...)

A good run you've had, swift and clean play, dastard plans that came to perfect fruitation. A medal is on its way for sure, may it contain at least 10% metal...
11/4/2007 5:16 AM


Make my day

Make my day

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Dear Dictator Konrad.

All Ethiopia thanks you for your inspired leadership. In gratitude, hundreds of small children have been sent down the recently occupied silver mines to collect nuggets of valuable metal in order to fashion a suitable reward, and here it is:

A genuine Ethiopian war medal hand-crafted in wood and cleverly painted to resemble metal. Unfortunately our technology is not quite up to smelting and working precious metals yet and anyway the bloody children ran off with the ore and our warriors couldn't catch the wretches. Still, I'm sure you appreciate the sentiment. The people are hopeful that this terrible war will soon be over, and we can all celebrate National Stormtrooper Day.

A better world awaits. Long live our beloved Dictatorship!!

11/5/2007 5:10 AM


Like the hair cut?

Like the hair cut?

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Wow, a lot has happened this weekend. I turn my back for a few days and what do you guys do? You start a war and grab a city without asking me.

Well done! You guys have won the award of true dictatorship!

12/13/2007 9:58 AM


Make my day

Make my day

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Friends, Ethiopians, countrymen, lend me your ears. Or if you can't do that I'll accept cash.

Who would have thought that four thousand years would have sped by so, ah, um, speedily? The kangaroo of time has leapt across the plains of ineptitude and brought us, feeling only slightly nauseous, to 1AD!

Welcome to a new millennium.

I would like to report that we have crushed the pitiful Alphans but they appear to be hiding in another country. Why I don't seem to able to persuade our cowardly oarsmen to cross the ocean in their galleys I cannot imagine. It's not as if the Vikings didn't do it. Ah well, we shall have to trust that the wonders of technology will bring us the means to navigate the treacherous seas eventually.

Luckily we have some enemies upon which to practise our hacking and slicing techniques closer to home. Although presently we have extended the hand of friendship, as all too often happens, the buggers start taking liberties and think they can expand in OUR continent, and lessons then have to be dealt out.

The lessons will come in the form of long pointy things called swords, fearsome choppy things called axes, and sneaky moustache-twirling things called spies.

War is coming, but it is for another leader to step up and take all the glory, for I feel I have done my duty. Wonders have been built, the economy turned around, technology advanced, populations grown, improvements made and borders expanded under my enlightened rule. At one point we were over 100 points ahead of the opposition until I got a bit whip-happy but fear not, we are still winning!

My successor will enjoy the fruits of the Empire's labours. Our military is mighty, and becoming stronger, yet our enemies lack access to metals. We have the ability to spread our religion through missionaries. Aesthetics is a mere 4 turns away and that's without deficit spending. Megaton we hope will build the Temple of Artemis and the production of many, many workers is almost complete.

That's the good news, and the bad news isn't all that terrible. Korea have despatched a settler who you can bet your last penny on will be heading off to some copper. We need Hereditary rule to police the cities and increase that happiness cap (we have no health problems at all) We need to research some maritime technology to continue exploration of the oceans and get that Great Spy working. We need to spread our religion. We need courthouses. We need guns.

Lots of guns.

12/13/2007 12:35 PM


WE WILL DESTROY YOU

WE WILL DESTROY YOU

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Impeach Bush!
3/14/2008 8:05 PM


Impeached by a patch

Impeached by a patch

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*salutes*
*crowd cheers*
*stormtroopers give listeners who don't cheer dirty looks*
*crowd cheers even more*

Another dictatorship comes to an end, and I am proud to tell you that Omega has been in good hands for the last 200 years.

We have crossed the ocean and finally discovered the homeland of Alpha, our ancestral enemy. We have made an astonishing discovery - the Earth is round! Our scientists claim that this discovery makes our ships go faster - how that is possible is beyond me, but trust the guys in the white coats - I have seen the difference firsthand.

We have made contact with the Vikings and the Japanese, and while our interaction so far as been limited to opening trade routes with the Vikings and selling technology dirt cheap to the Japanese, I have taken the first steps to nurture good relations with these peoples, so that we may wield them against Alpha, or at least make them obstacles on Alpha's way to glory.

We have adopted a feudal system, and the benefits of it are already felt: We now train better warriors than ever! Our fresh recruits are now on par with many of the veterans of the Korean wars.

We are the most advanced nation in the world. While Omegan scientists have pushed our technological excellence further, our moustache-twirling spies have stolen the secrets of Paper, Music and Horseback Riding from the hairy-armed Portuguese.

But perhaps most importantly, we have raised an army of stormtrooperial proportions, which is amassing in Cutting Edge as I speak. Dictators, the future belongs to you, and it is a future of iron boots crashing on the streets of Portuguese cities!

All hail The End!
3/14/2008 8:20 PM


Impeached by a patch

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My political will to my successor, General tones, follows here.

Viktor Griph has made it safely ashore. His task is to scout the Alphan continent, and when there is nothing more to see, he is to be implanted in an Alphan city. We are already ahead in espionage at (about) 300 to 60; with a spy bomb like that, we will have them in our scope constantly.

I had intended for us to pursue Banking, just like the Alphans are doing. According to my estimates, we should get it about at the same time as they; then we will lead the technological race with both Paper and Astronomy. Since we research faster than the Alphans, we could probably beat them to Liberalism if we wanted; but then, I see little use of Liberalism itself other than the free tech - and if we get Liberalism to get another tech, we could just as well get that other tech in the first place. It is your choice - I would rather get Chemistry to give us privateers.

On the other hand, we could get Gunpowder after Banking. If the Alphans want Liberalism, they will try to get it by going for Paper. Since we can see their research, we can bait them to think they can get it before us, and then we snap it from before their eyes, and choose Chemistry as our free pick. While we benefit ourselves relatively little from Liberalism contrary to going for Chemistry directly, we will have denied Alpha it.

On the military side, I have ordered up a few galleons from our coastal production centres. While the rest of our country obviously will wage total war against Portugal for a while, using galleys to rule the seas will keep Alpha from interfering. They have yet to scout our continent, and I think we should sink those caravels they are bound to send out! If they don't know about our invasion of Portugal, they will do little to prop Portugal up.

As for the military, I think you have quite a good idea of what I intended concerning Portugal. However, there is something else I think is worth mentioning: Homeland defence. As soon as Alpha gets Astronomy, invasion will become a very real threat. Not a full-scale invasion, of course, but quick burn-and-flee raids could well be. Most of our coastal cities are only protected by a single, ancient, unit, particularly Most Holy Hocus Locus, which is only guarded by a single archer. I suggest you make it a long-term goal to provide each coastal city with at least one longbowman.

Go forth, and show everyone just who owns the world and space!
3/22/2008 8:41 AM


Make my day

Make my day

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Fellow Dictators

The time has come for me to hand over the reigns of power to my successor, whomsoever that might be.

The war with Portugal is not yet finished, but it is but a matter of a few short years and they will become another footnote in the annals of civilisation. Our forces are in stout shape, and poised to deliver the final blows, supported by a strong naval task force.

Our mighty navies sail the oceans with impunity, sinking the enemy wherever they may hide. The dastardly Alphan pigdogs have realised their weakness and desperately research astronomy in an attempt to redress the balance but we laugh at their puny efforts, for very soon, my wise men tell me, we shall discover liberalism and that will allow us, if we wish, to discover chemistry and thus the masterly frigate. With these ships we shall blockade every port and sink every fat galleon.

Our espionage is supreme, and we see every enemy scheme. Unfortunately we are unable to prevent them from constructing the Apostolic Palace, but we have stolen the secrets of theocracy from the Portuguese and this we can use as a weapon against them.

Soon, perhaps, we shall need a change of civics, and to this end I have preserved a Great Artist so that the next Dictator can choose to start a Golden Age at will. In addition, a Great General stands ready to be settled in Tones Tuna Town where a Heroic Epic is being constructed in my honour. Megaton is building Angkor Wat and elsewhere many temples and theatres are springing up. Soon we shall be able to erect the Globe Theatre.

I have also ordered that many spies and religious emissaries be produced so that we may protect ourselves through both religion and devious espionage.

War weariness is beginning to trouble us slightly, but the program of building temples and theatres is having the desired beneficial effect.

Our nation is mighty, but the road is long, and the battle far from won. The Alphans, I regret, will become a powerful nation with much production capacity and, after printing press, a very strong economy. Yet let us not forget we have a lead in research, a lead in espionage, a lead in naval power, and a lead in cartographic information. Put together, these advantages will allow us to raid and burn their ports, whereas they know little of us, and what they do discover will make them tremble!

Onwards to GREATNESS!!

3/22/2008 9:25 AM


Impeached by a patch

Impeached by a patch

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Well done, dictator tones, I doubt I could have done a much better job. You have certainly earned this medal, just recently developed at Stormtrooper Labs:
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